ENGLISH JOKES 2015

Todays Generations
Dady asked his 3 years old son.
Would you like baby brother or a baby sister,
Son: dad, I like ur sisters baby girl
Take that spoon out

Patient: every time i take tea,
I get sharp pain in my eye?
Doctor: Take dat spoon out of your eye please.

U Married A Girl Elder Than U
One day a Man Asked Shakespeare:
Man: “U Married A Girl Elder Than U, Why?”
Shakespeare: (Showed Him A Calendar N Said)
……”A Week Has 7 Days;
Can U Say Which Day Is
Younger,Either Sunday Or
Saturday ????
So, Love Comes 4rm Heart Not In
Age…”
Love Has No Age.

But I asked first
Little Jerry: Teacher, can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: Little Jerry, MAY I go to the bathroom?
Little Jerry: But I asked first!
I have the perfect son
Ali: I have the perfect son.
Basit: Does he smoke?
Ali: No, he doesn’t.
Basit: Does he drink whiskey?
Ali: No, he doesn’t.
Basit: Does he ever come home late?
Ali: No, he doesn’t.
Basit: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?
Ali: He will be six months old next Wednesday.

But I asked first
Little Jerry: Teacher, can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: Little Jerry, MAY I go to the bathroom?
Little Jerry: But I asked first!
Why R U crying
Ahsan: Why R U crying?
Sania: The elephant is dead.
Ahsan: Was he your pet?
Sania: No, but I’m the one who must dig his grave.

Floods UK

Row Row Row Your Boat 

Gently Down The Stream, 

Merrily,Merrily,Merrily,Merrily,

A Carpet Fitters Wet Dream

Mr Cadbury

Mr Cadbury met Miss Rowntree on a Double Decker. 

It was After Eight. They got off at Quality Street. 

He asked her name. "Polo, I'm the one with the hole"

she said with a Wispa. "I'm Marathon, the one with the nuts"

he replied. He touched her Creme Eggs and

slipped his hand into her Snickers. He fondled her Flap

Jacks as she rubbed his Tic Tacs. It was a Fab moment 

as she screamed in Turkish Delight and he shot his chewy 

centre. But 3 days later his sherbert dib-dab started to itch.

Turns out Miss Rowntree had been with Bertie Bassett 

and he's got feckin Allsorts! 

A girl goes into a bar

A girl goes into a bar.
She says, "Bartender, give me a triple Jack Daniel's."
He gives her a triple Jack Daniel's, and she belts it down.

She has five more in a row, belts them all down,

passes out dead drunk, and everybody in the bar fucks her.
The next night, she walks into the bar, and says, 

"Bartender, give me a triple Jack Daniel's."
He gives her a triple Jack Daniel's, and she belts it down.

She has five more in a row, belts them all down, passes out dead drunk, 

and everybody in the bar fucks her again. The next night, she 

walks into the bar and says, "Bartender, give me a triple Tequila."
He says, "I thought you drank Jack Daniel's." 

She says, "Not any more. Jack Daniel's makes my pussy sore." 

Shredder 

The new employee stood before the paper shredder 

looking confused."Need some help?" a secretary asked.
"Yes," he replied. "How does this thing work?" "Simple," she said, 

taking the fat report from his hand and feeding it into the shredder.
"Thanks, but where do the copies come out?"